If you’re in a position to give or receive an inheritance, one of the biggest decisions is when the optimal time for a wealth transfer is—before or after death? Both choices have meaningful advantages and disadvantages, and the right choice varies depending on your financial situation, family dynamics, and where you are in life.
The timing of wealth transfer is one of the most consequential and least discussed decisions families face. It's not just a financial matter. It's a question about trust, control, love, and what we believe money is actually for. And it doesn’t have to be all or nothing!
Maura and I have different professional backgrounds. I am an investment advisor and wealth manager, with over 40 years of experience in finance. Maura McInerney-Rowley is a death doula, grief educator, former hospice director, founder of Hello Mortal, and Co-Creator of the viral personality test Death Archetypes. But the reason we do this work and how we found each other is personal. We are two women who have lived on both sides of this conversation. Maura lost her mother when she was 20. And nine years ago, my husband, Ed died, which changed everything for me and my daughters.
Our losses were different, but the territory was familiar: the decisions made under grief, the things we wished had been handled differently, the love we are grateful for, and the many challenges we faced. We found ourselves in the same conversation, coming from different directions. Maura offers the child's perspective and I, the spouse’s and mother’s. We thought it would be helpful for people to see both perspectives.
Not everyone wants to transfer wealth early. They may prefer to wait because they want to preserve their own financial independence and avoid the risk of running out of money. For them, keeping control until death feels safer and more responsible.
Some parents don’t like to talk about money with their children. They fear money discussions will demotivate their kids and take away the satisfaction of building their own success. Further, people may worry that money given too soon could be spent unwisely, lost in a bad marriage, or tied up in a poor business partnership.
Tax treatment can be an important factor in your decision making. If you wait to give appreciated securities or real estate until after you die, the recipients get a stepped-up cost basis. When the recipients go to sell the inherited assets, they pay taxes based on a value on your date of death rather than what the asset originally cost. While the idea of a stepped-up cost basis is appealing as a tax saving strategy, it may not be worthwhile if the money would better benefit someone today, or if your assets will likely be subject to estate taxes.
In many families, the timing of wealth transfer becomes a balance between generosity and caution, trust and protection, teaching and restraint.
Maura’s perspective:
As children, we want our parents to have enough money to take care of themselves. And only they know what their finances actually look like, and what makes sense to give now vs later. And that runway may be longer than any of us anticipate—Americans are living longer than any previous generation, which means the financial cushion required is also larger than most people plan for.
For many aging parents, their wealth is also their last meaningful form of independence and agency. The ability to have control over something, at a time when they're navigating physical changes and watching their social circle shrink in ways they can't control. Taking that away prematurely, even with the best intentions, can be psychologically damaging in ways that don't show up on a balance sheet. There's a difference between someone who chooses to give and someone who feels pressure to.
Sometimes the beneficiary simply isn’t ready to receive wealth. Financial maturity, emotional stability, and basic literacy about money aren't guaranteed at any age. And a large sum arriving at the wrong moment can do more damage than good. There's no shame in acknowledging that about yourself, or about someone you love. If you're planning to transfer after death, a trust (which is a legal arrangement that lets you pass assets to someone while controlling the terms) can build in guardrails—a minimum age, a specific milestone, a condition, so the timing isn't left to chance or circumstance.
When my mother died, I was 20 years old, I was grieving, and I was not okay. If I had come into a significant amount of money at that moment, I would have spent it irresponsibly. What I did receive was an Inherited IRA, which required minimum distributions each year, but I can’t access further without penalty until retirement age. While sometimes, I wish I could access the money now, in hindsight, that was a good move.
** The law has since changed since my Maura’s mother died. Anyone receiving an inherited IRA today has to withdraw all of it within ten years and pay the taxes.
- A certified financial planner is trained to help you understand your total financial picture, gathering information about the value of your assets today and what they may be worth in the future.
- An estate attorney will help you draft documents such as a will, durable powers of attorney, and health care directives. They can also set up a variety of trusts depending on your situation.
- A death doula can help you think through how to have conversations with the people you're going to leave gifts to. They can also help you create and pass on something more valuable than money, such as an ethical will.
You don't have a choice about dying, but you do have a choice about when to transfer wealth. And the people who make it intentionally—who sit down and actually ask themselves what they want their money to do, and when, and for whom—tend to have fewer regrets. Practicing financial mindfulness—being aware of your finances and engaging with them rather than avoiding them—can lead to better financial outcomes and greater psychological well-being, according to research from Georgetown's McDonough School of Business.
There's no universal right answer, but there is a right time to start asking the question. And it's probably earlier than you think.
And this goes both ways. If you're on the receiving end of this conversation—an adult child, a partner, a beneficiary—the invitation is the same. It can feel awkward to bring up money with the people you love, like you're circling something you're not supposed to want. But asking the question isn't greedy. It's helpful to everyone.
So consider this your invitation (whether you're the one holding on or the one waiting to receive): think about what you're holding, and why. Think about what you're hoping for, and whether you've said so. Consider what letting go might make possible for the people you love, and for yourself. Have the conversation now, while you still can.
We'd love to hear from you: Have you thought about what you want to pass on—financially or otherwise? Have you had this conversation about it? If a parent has already died, what was that experience like, and what do you wish had been different?
— Lori & Maura
Lori Zager is a co-founder and member of 2X Wealth Group which is a team at Ingalls & Snyder, LLC, a federally registered investment adviser with its main offices located at 1 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10020. This material is being provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a source of any specific investment recommendations and makes no implied or express recommendations concerning the manner in which your accounts should be handled. Each individual’s situation and circumstances vary. Therefore, you should consult an investment professional regarding your specific circumstances, needs and goals prior to taking any action. While the information contained herein is believed to be reliable, there is no representation that it is accurate or complete and it should not be relied upon as such.
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